


No Matter What

by allhalethealpha



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Out of Character, and sad, but it's still good, for everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 20:27:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allhalethealpha/pseuds/allhalethealpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one approves of Stiles being gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Matter What

**Author's Note:**

> Out of character.  
> Homophobic.  
> Sad. :(

"I'm gay."

Stiles just blurts it out to his dad, who’s now got half a celary stick stopped midway to his mouth, and he’s not even looking at Stiles. And, god, stiles had planned an entire speech leading up to this fact but he just blurted it out, and his dad still isn’t moving so he might as well get the rest of it out.

“With Derek. Hale.” he says slowly, as if his dad would need a minute to process everything. And after a painful ten seconds his dad slowly lowers the celary stick and calmly places it back onto his plate.

“You’re not gay.” His dad says, like it’s obvious and Stiles is just being ridiculous.

Stiles just stares at him wide mouthed, because, what? “But- I- Der-“

His dad cuts him off with a glare that makes his stomach twist, “Get away from me.” he dad says, his voice quiet but the cold in his voice is present, and really Stiles can’t bring himself to look his dad in the eyes so he slowly lifts himself up and drags his way to his bedroom.

-

Later that night, after Stiles kept his eyes peeled away from Derek, even though he sat next to him and prompted stiles to ‘Please, tell me.’, he hears his dads footsteps on the steps and god, he can smell the alcohol already.

Stiles door slowly opens, and a part of him just wishes its his dad here to say that he’s sorry and completely okay with Derek and Stiles, as long as Derek comes over for dinner so he can ‘chat’ with his dad, and his dad would say to Derek out of the pureness of his heart, “Hurt my son, and i swear you’ll never live to see daylight again.” and stiles would just slowly smile because he knows his dad loves him and secretly likes Derek too, by the way he watches them out of the corner of his eye when Stiles is draped over Derek on the couch, but the other part of him knows what’s coming. His dads fury.

His dad stays at the doorway, reeking of liquor, and just stares at Stiles, a pained, disappointed, expression etched on his face. “How could you?” His dad spits out, and the tightness of his chest only pulls tighter, “With Derek.” he spits his name like its infectious.

Stiles has only seen his dad like this once, right after his mother died but he wasn’t blaming Stiles, but himself. And he saw his dad like this in the hallucination at Lydia’s party, in the same exact stance with the same exact liquor bottle in his hand and something in Stiles wants to flinch because he expects the glass to be thrown at him.

“It’s disgusting. Wrong. Not right. What are you thinking? With another man.I’ve never been so disgusted, disappointed, furious, and outright hated seeing my son’s face. I’m not even going to tell you not to be with him, because you should just know better. I didn’t raise you to be gay.” Stiles is just sitting up in his bed, taking it all. His stomach is clenched and his heart is twisted, “What would your mother think?” and there’s the feeling, the painful ache in his upper chest and head as he’s fighting back tears, struggling with himself not to justcry. He can’t will himself to just breathe, his breath is caught in his tightened lungs in his tightened chest and just, his whole body. His eyes are watered and all he can do is stare at his dad and feel like complete shit.

It’s his nexts words, the words his dad spits out like its nothing, like Stiles is nothing, like he’s worthless and his feelings mean nothing, just like him. It’s the words that set him over the edge, the words that tear the chocked up sob from his throat and he actually feels like he’ll puke because his stomach his so tightand he’s still holding back tears, but the words his dad says, he can practically hear Derek digging his claws in his own flesh as he struggles not to jump out of the closet where he’s currently hiding, and hearing the words,

“I will not, will not, have a faggot for a son.”

And his dad leaves, the cold glass pressed against his lips as he stumbled to his room, the same time Derek slowly walks from the closet.

“Stiles-“

“I think you should leave.” Stiles isn’t even sure how he managed those words out, but he did, and the pain in him only worsened when he said,

“And never come back.”

That’s how Stiles ended up facing a panic attack alone, although he knows his dad hears the way he’s gasping for breath, but just doesn’t come. And Stiles is left with no one to squeeze his hand or hold him and tell him it’s okay like his dad used to, like his dad used to tell him it was him and Stiles against everyone else, nothing could ever go wrong because they had each other and in the end, that’s all they really needed and they would make it together, and no matter what they’d always have each other, no matter what.

-

Stiles just knows that he can go to Scott. Because no matter what shit Scott is in Stiles is always there for him, always taking blows and hits, hell, before Scott became popular Stiles jumped in front of Scott in eighth grade just as some punk jock when to punch him.

He’d die for Scott.

Stiles somehow manages to pull himself out of bed, because he feels like he hasn’t moved. He’s been in a trance, a pain filled trance, nothing but flashbacks of his mother dying, his father’s words, and the look on Derek’s face when he told him to leave and never come back.

-

Stiles throws himself on Scott’s bed, and he feels exhausted although this is what he’s been doing for the past three days.

“Dude- where the hell have you been?!” Scott asked and jumps next to him immediately.

And Stiles just breaks down. He can literally feel the pain of holding back tears leave him, but there’s still that horrible, twisting, pain in his gut that’s wrenching and slowly tearing him up from the inside.

He tells Scott everything. Starting with the first time Derek kissed him, not leaving out a single detail of their entire relationship. He told him what happened with his dad, somehow, he manages the words through chocked sobs, pausing every few moments to take a deep, shaky breath because his breathing is still off.

When he finally, finally, regains control of himself, he forces himself to look at Scott, and it hits him like a punch in his gut. It feels like eighth grade again, because Scott’s face is filled with disgust.

“That’s fucking sick!”

Scott leaps from the seat he’s taken by Stiles and is immediately across the room, like Stiles has some sort of disease, no, like Stiles is the disease.

He almost feels the same way he felt with his dad, except somehow it hurts worse, because Scott isn’t drunk. And Stiles thought he knew Scott would just, accept him.

“You’re a faggot?!! I changed in front of you dude! We- The showers after lacrosse!”

Scott rakes his fingers through his hair and doubles over, trying to get control over himself because he’s freaking out.

“Derek’s one to? What the fuck man? That’s just- gross. What’s wrong with you Stiles? What about Lydia? You-We slept in the same bed together and you’re telling me you’re a homo- a faggot!”

Stiles hasn’t taken one breath since Scott’s outburst because honestly? He doesn’t think that he can.

And he’s throwing that word around, faggot, like what Stiles is, who Stiles is, is wrong and he should just die for it.

He’s staring up at Scott, half emotionless and half surprised, because he really doesn’t know how to take this. His whole body just aches from tension and holding everything in, he hasn’t let himself cry since he walked into Scott’s room, and even he then he didn’t let out what he really wanted to let out.

Stiles suddenly is gasping for breath, and Scott’s tan face is actually pale. He’s gasping and gasping, trying, desperately trying to fill his empty lungs with air, but it’s like he can’t get any inside fast enough.

It reminds him of how he reached out to Scott because his own dad doesn’t accept the fact he’s in love with Derek. It’s like how he’s trying to suck in gulps of breath, he’s trying to reel them back in. He wants them back, wants them to love him again because he’s still Stiles, he promises he is. He promises nothing’s changed about him, he’s still smart and witty, he’s still loyal, no matter what.

Hours later, when he’s curled up in bed and listening to his father moving around downstairs, he can’t help but get the aching feeling in the pit of his stomach when he remembers Scott saying, “I wont have a faggot for a best friend.”

Stiles would do anything for release, get him out of this pain and hurt. His muscles ache although all he’s been doing is laying in bed. His stomach is a never ending knot and his heart his just empty.

He dry heaves in the bathroom but nothing comes out. He wants to throw up, really, he really really needs to because it just feels like he has to but he can’t and he doesn’t know why.

Stiles doesn’t even flinch when the window opens and Derek crawls inside.

“Go away.” Stiles whisper, his voice is raspy and hoarse.

But Derek doesn’t, he just walks up to Stiles bed and sits on the bed like he owns it.

Stiles is laying on his stomach in nothing but boxers, the covers tossed carelessly aside. Derek slowly puts his hand on the nape of Stiles neck, and slowly, so slowly, runs his hand down Stiles smooth skin, down his spin to his lower back. His hand moves so easily against his soft skin, and god, Stiles wishes he didn’t love him because it’s fucking his fault.

It hits Stiles like a ton of bricks.

Stiles jumps up, nearly knocking a confused looking Derek off the bed, “This is your fault!” He shouts, and he doesn’t even care if his dad can hear him. “They all hate me, think of me as something lower then them. This is the longest I ever went without seeing my dad, and it’s your. fucking. fault. He doesn’t love me anymore! My own dad doesn’t even love me because of you!!”

Stiles takes a deep breath and stands just as Derek does, Stiles shoves him backwards, and beats his chest. “I hate you!” He yells at the top of his lungs, his voice strained and weak. “I hate you so much!” He yells again in the same tone, pushing, shoving, punching Derek while he’s doing it. “It’s all your fault! You made me feel this way! You! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” He breaks into sobs and slowly stops hitting Derek. “I hate you.” He said in a softer tone, his voice still sounded broken and wounded and he talked through his tears.

Stiles leaves his fist against Derek’s chest, and Derek just holds him there. Wraps his muscular arms around him and pulls him closer and Stiles just cries. And cries. Somewhere through the night Derek moved them to the bed so he could cry on Derek’s shoulder and Derek could just hold him tightly.

Sometime through the night, Stiles dad slowly makes his way up the stairs and opens his sons door to find him sobbing in the arms of Derek. Derek doesn’t even look at Stiles’ dad as he stares at them, he only says, “I hope it was worth it.” in the softest voice, but he knows the he can hear Derek.

His dad smells like whiskey and he just stares at Stiles, his eyes drooping like he hasn’t slept in days, which he probably hasn’t, and he shakes his head, “Nothing is worth loosing my son over, and seeing him like this.” and with that, he’s turned away from them and getting ready to walk off, without so much as an apology, but he does say one thing that has Stiles clunching to Derek for dear life, because Derek is all he has left, “But he’s already gone. He’s not my son. That’s not my son.”

-

The next time Stiles saw his dad, it was his dad there to tell him to get his shit and get the hell out of his house. It just so happens Derek was there when this went down.

Stiles stared at his dad with red, puffy eyes and slow breaths, but his dad looked serious as ever.

“Where am I supposed to go?” he whispered out quietly, because he didn’t think he could trust his regular voice.

His dad’s eyes flickered to Derek then back to Stiles, “Figure it out.” He said harshly, and turned to leave out of the room.

Derek can tell when Stiles is lying, over the past few days when Stiles was wrapped in Derek’s arms, crying on and off, screaming on and off that he hates Derek. That he wishes he never met Derek, that he wants nothing to do with Derek, Derek heard the loud twitches in his heart that told him Stiles was lying.

Derek’s also pretty good at hiding his emotions, doesn’t let anyone but Stiles see. But the look of pain, hurt, and betrayal just makes it’s way onto his face when Stiles says, “I’ll leave him. Is that what you want? I’ll never see him again dad, I swear it. I swear I’ll leave him and be done with him, just please don’t do this anymore.”

Derek would’ve been okay with him saying this, if he could hear the tick in Stiles heart. But that’s the thing, he didn’t hear it.

Derek’s always got one ear listening in on Stiles heartbeat, whenever he’s close enough. It reminds him that he’s alive and with him, and reminds him of the promise Stiles made weeks ago, when they were laying in Derek’s bed of his newly built house, hand in hand, staring up at the ceiling and just laying in the afterglow, that Stiles promised, swore that he’d never leave Derek. That he’d die with Derek, he’d always be there for Derek and with Derek, and no one could tear them apart, they’d always be together, no matter what.

He wouldn’t dare take Stiles away from his dad, but Derek knew things between he and his dad would never be the same, they’d probably hardly ever speak and things just wouldn’t be right.

But Stiles left him.

It left him with an emptiness inside of him, it didn’t hurt and it didn’t ache, he just felt empty. Derek was somewhere in the woods, with the ring laying in his palm. He was sitting on a large rock, just staring at the ring. It was a silver ring, a row of small diamonds down the middle.

Engraved on the inside was an infinite sign, along with the words ‘no matter what’

Derek ran his free hand down his face, willing himself not to cry because Derek Hale did not cry.

Derek never said I love you enough, he never told Stiles how much he meant to him, how good it felt to sleep next Stiles and how good it felt to just have Stiles there. Derek never really told Stiles how he really, truly felt about him, how he wanted Stiles forever, and that- that hurt.

He thought for sure the ring would do it. The ring would let Stiles know he couldn’t live his life without him, and he just needed Stiles there for him. He wanted to give Stiles a promise ring for his eighteenth birthday, but something inside him knew Stiles just thought Derek felt he had to give him that, just because Stiles had mentioned it, but he didn’t. Now he wanted to give him an engagement ring.

Derek wants to say it didn’t hurt when he found out Stiles went on his first date just a few weeks after they’d broken up, he wants to say he didn’t, did not, cry when he found out that date turned to four, then the fifth turned into a relationship.

Derek had to get rid of the ring, it was just staring at him and staring at him, reminding him of the pain and loss and the loneliness in his life without Stiles. So one night, when Stiles was out with his new girlfriend, Derek snuck into his room.

He carefully laid the ring on the computer desk, on the corner. Stiles needed to know Derek planned on asking him, needed to know how much Derek had loved him and how much he meant to him.

-

Derek heard the rumble of the jeep engine long before Stiles was even close to his house. He stood out on the porch and waited for him.

Stiles stomped out of his jeep, his hand gripped tightly around something small.

“How dare you?!” He yelled out before he was close, but the second he was close he was shoving Derek. “You asshole! You total complete asshole! You- you can’t just do this!”

Stiles shoved the ring in Derek’s chest and Derek caught it before it fell to the ground, “You’re not aloud! No, no, nonononono!” Stiles screamed and shoved Derek again.

Derek took a few steps backwards, glaring at Stiles. He held the ring tightly in his hand, not daring to let up on his grip on it.

“I can’t go back to you.” Stiles said, his hand resting on the railing and he was breathing deeply, not even looking at Derek. “I can’t.” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“We can get through it together.”

Derek didn’t mean for his voice to sound so desperate and needy, but it did. He said it slowly, as if trying to convince himself instead of Stiles.

Stiles looked up, but he still wouldn’t look at Derek, instead he was looking off to the side. The pain was still in his chest, and he knew if he looked at Derek something would just pull him to Derek and he’d have to crash his lips against Derek’s own lips, and he wouldn’t be able to stop at just kissing because he needed Derek to make everything feel better.

“Get over me Derek.” Stiles said, thankful his voice came out straight. “I’m not going back to you. I could never love someone like you, never. I don’t know why I would even think I could love you, why I would even want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you, Derek.”

It felt like someone was clawing at Derek from the inside, like someone tore his heart out of his chest and just stepped on it. But then Derek heard it, the tick. Loud and clear.

In a second Derek had Stiles against the door, his lips pressed against Stiles soft lips. Stiles thought he was pushing Derek away, but he was just grabbing fistfuls of Derek’s shirt and pulling him closer, kissing him harder.

Derek’s hand slowly slid down his right arm to his hand, and interlocked their fingers after prying them from his shirt. It was a gentle gesture, one that Derek hardly did, but he knew by Stiles heartbeat that he loved when Derek did it as they kissed.

He didn’t stop there, as slowly as he grabbed his right hand, he grabbed his left hand and he slid the ring on Stiles finger, and Stiles just let him. Because he and Stiles had something, and no matter what, they’d be together, they’d figure something out, no matter what.

epilogue

Stiles looked down at the picture frame of he and his dad. A small tear fell onto it, and he quickly wiped it away, although he knew Derek would be able to smell the salt water of his tear.

He quickly placed the picture frame in the brown box, the agonizing sound of tape being pulled and placed over it once closed was the only thing filling the room. He felt Derek’s hand on his shoulder, and it slowly ran down his arm, “That’s the last of it.” He said in his ear.

Stiles nodded and stood up from where he was crouched next to the box. He sniffed and wiped his eyes quickly before turning to Derek, he opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by his dad clearing his throat at the doorway.

“I’ll give you a minute.” Derek said and glanced at Stiles, who nodded at him. He looked at his dad then brushed past him, and his dad didn’t move until he heard the front door shut.

It was quiet for a moment, they just stared at each other, his dad took a few steps forward, and for once he didn’t smell like alcohol.

“Son, I just, I-“

Stiles felt the familiar feeling of tears prickling in the back of his eyes, and his dad’s eyes slowly got a red look to them and filled with water.

“Damnit Stiles,” His dad pointed his finger at him, “I never stopped loving you.” his voice cracked and Stiles could just see the struggle for his dad to regain his composure, “You have to know that, you have to know that you’re my son, and I will not let you go without a fight to keep you. I would-I could never hate you, you’re my only son. I wasn’t bullshitting all those years when I said I care about you and I love you, and I would do anything for you. You’re all I have left. I- damnit Stiles I still fucking love you.”

“Dad-” Stiles voice cracked and the tears finally slid out, his dad grabbed his hand and yanked him towards him, his hands immediately wrapped around Stiles, and Stiles was quick to do the same.

“You’re so stupid, how could you think that? God, I love you Stiles. I love you. I love you please don’t forget that. I love you Stiles.” His dad’s shoulders shook as he sobbed the words into Stiles shoulders, he was holding onto Stiles for dear life.

“I don’t care who you want to be with, just please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me Stiles, I don’t want to be alone, I can’t be alone.”

Stiles felt the tears roll down his cheeks as he heard his dads words, “I wont leave you dad.” He whispered softly, “I’ll always be here, always.” he said quietly.

“I don’t want to be alone.” His dad repeated in his ear, his words barely a whisper, Stiles just hugged him tighter, as if to say i’m here. I’ll always be here, I’ll never leave you alone, I’ll never make you go through anything alone, I’ll always be here, no matter what.

It felt like forever before they pulled away, Stiles would still move in with Derek, his dad knew that. He just didn’t want Stiles to hold the grudge against him. Didn’t want Stiles to be an old photograph in the hall, someone who slowly stopped coming by, who’s phone calls stopped and who never came by on the holidays.

Stiles would never leave his dad, no matter what.

-

It was a few weeks after that when Scott showed up in Derek and Stiles yard. Stiles stood at the window for a second, and Derek showed up behind him. “Do you want me to get rid of him?”

Stiles hardly cracked a smile, “I’ll do it.” he whispered softly and pulled away from the window. He opened the door and stared at Scott. He slowly closed the door behind him and kept his hand on the handle, just barely leaning on the door. He needed support for his shaky legs.

Scott looked wrecked.

Stiles slowly walked away from the door, he took the few steps down the porch, and as he walked Scott walked.

It was unspoken, really. The apology. Scott just wrapped his arms around Stiles in a strong hug and tugged him to him. Stiles pretended he didn’t feel his shirt getting wet in his tears.

“I don’t know why- I just- I can’t-“

Stiles stayed quiet as Scott struggled to get the words out, Scott pulled away from the hug and just looked at him. “I can’t lose you.”

And suddenly Stiles flashed back to when Scott’s dad walked out on him, calling him a pathetic low life, who’s a whiny little bitch, just like his mother. Stiles had held Scott as he cried, let Scott let all his anger out on him. Stiles didn’t ask him if he wanted to get drunk, didn’t ask him to play video games, Stiles didn’t try to do anything to get Scott’s mind off of it when he knew he wouldn’t be able to forget.

Two weeks later, Stiles’ mom died.

They never speak about it, how Scott walked in on the panic attack, he didn’t know what to do at first, but Stiles tugged him to the floor where he was sitting and Scott just helped him through it. Stiles let it slip once, when Scott was having a panic attack and he reminded him what it was and how he knew, but Scott shrugged it away, because he knew Stiles didn’t want to remember the way his mom looked as she died, even if Scott couldn’t forget the look of disappointment on his dad’s face as he left.

“You never lost me, I’ve always been here.”

Scott started crying again.

-

Stiles forgave them the second they hurt him, but it’ll always be there in his mind. Always. But Stiles can get past it, he can forgive and forget because their doing their best to make up for it.

Nothing is the same as it used to be, there’s moments where he flinches at the things they say, moments where he wishes he would’ve just left somewhere with Derek, but in the end, Stiles can’t deny he’s happy he forgave them. Because no matter what they do or what they say, he loves them. No matter how bad they made him feel or how hard they’re trying to fix it, they’re already forgiven.

No matter what, Scott will always be his best friend. No matter what, he will always love his dad, and always choose his dad first, And no matter what, Stiles will be with Derek, Stiles will love Derek, Stiles will cry for Derek, Stiles will yell and scream and hit Derek, but no matter what, they’re in love and they always will be. No matter what.


End file.
